Blizzards, whoopie pies, and Hormones

Every person is different, every child is different and so is every pregnancy.  There is no paint by numbers, cookie cutter, one size fits all answer to anything that life throws at us.  If you don't know that by now, have a couple of children and you will soon find out a couple of things.  The first being, you are never as smart as you think you are and the second being sometimes there are no solutions, so just do the best you can and fuck all the opinions out there.  My second pregnancy was way different from my first, the first pregnancy I had an upset stomach from time to time, but I could handle it.  When I was pregnant for baby number 2, I was full on puking all day every day for hours.  Moments I thought I was hungry all I wanted was crackers and ginger ale.  Then being hot all day every day, windows had to be on and open 24-7.  Doesn't sound so bad except it was in the middle of December.  When you take a look around and you see your husband and daughter all bundled up, like they were going outside to make snow forts or some shit, and you are sitting there in shorts and a tank top complaining of the heat.  Your ass might be pregnant or you have a major drug problem and you need to get that shit looked at either way.
 Another difference in the two pregnancies was with the first baby, I craved EVERYTHING and I made no apologies for it either.  Baby number two was different, all I craved when I wasn't puking my guts out, was whoopie pies.  See the picture above for those of you who don't know what they are.
 Our little bundle of joy was not due out of the oven until February.  We live in Maine so our winters can be brutal at times.  There was this one day when I was craving whoopie pies at 8pm at night and our state was in lock down because the snow was verging on epic.  Looking out our kitchen window we couldn't see anything that was a foot in front of us.  However when these cravings hit, if they are not taken care of in timely fashion, full on mood swing will appear and your husband/boyfriend or family member will get the brunt of it.
Even though he didn't want to, Toby ventured out in this record breaking storm to hunt down none other than whoopie pies.  After about 2 hours he made it home safe and sound and had about a case with him.  He proceeded to tell me about his adventure going from all over our city trying to find whoopie pies.  I thanked him so much for his bravery, after all his youngest child depended on it.  He went to one store and they were all out of them, he got back in his truck and drove to the next spot and they were out of them.  He drove all over town, went to every convenience store, grocery store and market in the whole county and everyone was out of fucking whoopie pies!  Finally he hit a little store that was just minutes from our house and low and behold they had them.  After he raided all the whoopie pies paid for them and came home.  He walked into the house like the abominable snowman, he was covered in snow, cheeks red from it being so cold out and a huge bag of whoopie pies.  I say to him " Toby I only wanted 1."  With an angry look on his face his response to me is " Its a fucking mess out there, I almost went off the road two times, I am not getting back out there in this shit, I have no idea how long this is supposed to last, and you will get cravings tomorrow and the next day until you have this fucking kid, so I bought every fucking last one to last a while, shut the hell up and eat your fucking whoopie pie!"  I could tell that it probably wasn't the right moment to bring up the fact we were out of milk after a while you can learn from the cues your spouse gives you.  So I did I kept my mouth shut and ate my whoopie pie.  Took a nap, woke up and puked again. That night when Toby laid down to go to sleep a thought ran through his head all it kept saying like a broken record is "Its amazing I am not drunk."

Here are some pictures:  

February 1st 2007 Bailey Elizabeth was born

Toby had hair and our lives as we knew it would be over!

Elbows, Swamp Donkeys, Dora and Babies

This is not from the elbow incident but the day I found out I was pregnant, I beat his ass!

  Traditionally in life you meet a man, go on a few dates, get engaged, get married and then have the children.  Not me, I like a good challenge and never in my life did I ever choose the easy way......for anything.  An example of this according to my mother, because I cannot remember this far back, I learned to walk before I could crawl..... choices.  I always chose the most difficult path and work my way back to easy.  So having a child before marriage is typical Heather.
  I never went to bars because quite frankly that wasn't my thing plus  if I wanted to get dirty and sweaty and then lose my shit for a while, I can just try to clean up after my daughter.  I also felt and still feel that bars are over priced fuckery.  The one time I did go on a date, the asshole says after I tell him I have a child " so your looking for a baby daddy."  I got up out of my chair and walked out the door and came home.  On the way home is when I really thought up all the good shit to say back to him like, "wow with a come on like that you must be laid.... a lot."  And my personal favorite it "I don't need a baby daddy, you need to find the goddamn gutter from which you came you googly eyed, swamp donkey."
  After that disastrous date if you could even call it one, I decided to keep my ass home and surf the net.  Now I will be honest with you, I do not recommend this for anyone because quite frankly there are more googly eyed swamp donkeys lurking on the computer sending out pictures of male models and passing them off as their own pictures.  However I don't take the easy road in anything I do in life and I am always up for the challenge.  So AOL chat rooms here I come!  With all the gusto and determination of a jack rabbit, I tore that shit up, in a metaphorical way.  I became friends with a lot of regulars and you could tell the people that were legit from the ones who wanted a "special phone call."  I met this guy Kevin, he's a really nice man and to this day I keep in touch with him.  I was off this particular day and I was just shooting the shit with Kevin, my daughter was watching Dora.  Halfway listening to the obnoxious "swiper no swiping" I heard a word I mistook for a a bung hole.  I told Kevin that Dora is officially not allowed in my house after that.  In comes this man he went under the handle Setdhooktx, he read the conversation and quickly educated me that it wasn't a bung hole I heard but abajo Spanish for below.  After my spanish lesson I learned a lot about this man whose name is Toby.  We talked on the phone once and like God was answering his prayers,he sent Toby flying over 30 stairs leading from his mother's front door.  He busted up his elbow and he claims to this day it was an omen, I say it was God's way of saying get your shit together.  Whatever it was we were together for 3 years talking on the phone every night.  He was in Colorado and I in Maine so it wasn't like we could visit much. Long story short, after a busted up elbow, Dora telling my kids to say inappropriate things, and 3 years of dealing with a stubborn ass Yankee  woman as he likes to call me.  He finally made it here and refused to leave.  As much as I tried to throw that sorry bastard out he wont leave.  So I figured fuck it I might as well marry him.
 Then the fateful day arrived FUCK I found out I was pregnant with another child! All I could think to myself was Its just amazing I don't drink.