Ode to My Pajamas

There have always been times in my life when I needed something with staying power.  Something that doesn't flake out because I like to keep my finger nail polish in the fridge, (it prevents clumping and makes your nail polish last longer.)  Doesn't judge you because you like garlic or that you like to sleep in a cold room with tons of covers.  For me that one thing has been my favorite pajamas (see the above picture).  Those pajamas have gone the distance and have stood by me more than most people and are older than my children.  Here is a little history to my pajamas, I bought these at fashion bug (years before they folded up and closed their doors.) the day after I found out was pregnant for my oldest daughter.  February 14th 2002 I found out that indeed I was pregnant for my first child.  My first thought was "I demand a fucking retest on this son of a bitch."  When there was no denying the fact that I indeed was with child, I immediately thought, this is strange I have a strange being growing inside me and I don't even know them yet, true story.  My brain doesn't think like a normal person's I immediately wanted to know this stranger.  February 15th 2002, I needed some retail therapy in the worst way.  I saw these pajamas and knew this is the warm cup of tea that I have been searching for.  I wore these pajamas through my entire pregnancy.  I also worked through my entire pregnancy too.  Hence the reason why I don't like people in general.  Sure I love my friends but overall, people I am not fan of.  On nights at work when I would get the 70th 17 year old kid walking through the store saying " I'm 21 like honestly, just accept my Massivetwoshits driver's license."  My response was always we dont accept out of state id's sorry.  What I wanted to say was you take your spoiled brat attitude and go pound sand mother fucker because one day you will realize daddy's money runs out now get the actual fuck out of the store before I throw you out.  On rough nights like that and more these jammies were a saving grace.  I would go home to my tiny one bedroom apartment, turn on some moby, take a long bubble bath with nothing but candles everywhere and relax and drift away from all the bullshit.  Then put my jammies on and it was like a bad day never happened.  Through a very bad break up that I don't like talking about, to finding my current husband, and through my second pregnancy, these pajamas have been home to me.  Sure there has been a lot that has happened good bad and indifferent since the purchase of these pajamas.  One thing has remained true, I still wear them, they are still just as comforting, and they have no holes but they fill the holes of comfort that without them I wouldn't have.  Of course tripping over the pant legs is a regular occurrence, I can see past that.  Have a great day everyone and ItsamazingIdontdrink.


Heather  

Elbows, Swamp Donkeys, Dora and Babies

This is not from the elbow incident but the day I found out I was pregnant, I beat his ass!

  Traditionally in life you meet a man, go on a few dates, get engaged, get married and then have the children.  Not me, I like a good challenge and never in my life did I ever choose the easy way......for anything.  An example of this according to my mother, because I cannot remember this far back, I learned to walk before I could crawl..... choices.  I always chose the most difficult path and work my way back to easy.  So having a child before marriage is typical Heather.
  I never went to bars because quite frankly that wasn't my thing plus  if I wanted to get dirty and sweaty and then lose my shit for a while, I can just try to clean up after my daughter.  I also felt and still feel that bars are over priced fuckery.  The one time I did go on a date, the asshole says after I tell him I have a child " so your looking for a baby daddy."  I got up out of my chair and walked out the door and came home.  On the way home is when I really thought up all the good shit to say back to him like, "wow with a come on like that you must be laid.... a lot."  And my personal favorite it "I don't need a baby daddy, you need to find the goddamn gutter from which you came you googly eyed, swamp donkey."
  After that disastrous date if you could even call it one, I decided to keep my ass home and surf the net.  Now I will be honest with you, I do not recommend this for anyone because quite frankly there are more googly eyed swamp donkeys lurking on the computer sending out pictures of male models and passing them off as their own pictures.  However I don't take the easy road in anything I do in life and I am always up for the challenge.  So AOL chat rooms here I come!  With all the gusto and determination of a jack rabbit, I tore that shit up, in a metaphorical way.  I became friends with a lot of regulars and you could tell the people that were legit from the ones who wanted a "special phone call."  I met this guy Kevin, he's a really nice man and to this day I keep in touch with him.  I was off this particular day and I was just shooting the shit with Kevin, my daughter was watching Dora.  Halfway listening to the obnoxious "swiper no swiping" I heard a word I mistook for a a bung hole.  I told Kevin that Dora is officially not allowed in my house after that.  In comes this man he went under the handle Setdhooktx, he read the conversation and quickly educated me that it wasn't a bung hole I heard but abajo Spanish for below.  After my spanish lesson I learned a lot about this man whose name is Toby.  We talked on the phone once and like God was answering his prayers,he sent Toby flying over 30 stairs leading from his mother's front door.  He busted up his elbow and he claims to this day it was an omen, I say it was God's way of saying get your shit together.  Whatever it was we were together for 3 years talking on the phone every night.  He was in Colorado and I in Maine so it wasn't like we could visit much. Long story short, after a busted up elbow, Dora telling my kids to say inappropriate things, and 3 years of dealing with a stubborn ass Yankee  woman as he likes to call me.  He finally made it here and refused to leave.  As much as I tried to throw that sorry bastard out he wont leave.  So I figured fuck it I might as well marry him.
 Then the fateful day arrived FUCK I found out I was pregnant with another child! All I could think to myself was Its just amazing I don't drink.