Monday, November 24, 2014

Top 5 of Facebook, Yeah you shouldn't have done that

I have been noticing smart people making really fucking stupid choices when it comes to Facebook. Now is it my business what they do?  No however if they were to ask for anyone's opinion before making these grave choices I bet they would be met with a resounding FUCK NO!  So in this post today I am going to start off by giving you the top 5 no nos when it comes to facebook. I could probably write a novel but this just the fuck ups I see on a regular basis.  So here are the top 5 Dont's to facebook according to me.

1.  Letting someone take over your whole Facebook account. 
 Are you fucking stupid? Do you just want to get thrown off Facebook because if you do then go ahead and let someone take it over.  If you are really that fucking lazy that you need someone to take over for you, just fucking delete your account.  Not only are you allowing them to stalk all your friends but you are giving them way too much control.  Hey dont blame me if your mom calls you and says "what is this I hear about you blowing trannies?"  I tried to warn you, dumbass.

2. Friending people for the "entertainment" of it.  I get it I have been there we always seem to have those "friends" that have more issues than People magazine, however when the amusement goes away and it will, they will fucking drive you insane with their non stop bitching and moaning. Let them fucking go, chances are they dont give a fuck if you are friends with them or not just as long as they have that small group of friends that says, "awwww I am so sorry that happened to you."  Meanwhile they are thinking "omg bitch please, life is what you make it, obviously misery got your company." 

3. Posting cryptic messages without giving any further details and saying shit like "well I don't want to post it all on here."  Keep in mind yes I am guilty of this one and I understand people need to vent that is fine.  However I see it more than I want to of people talking about someone dying and not saying who it is or whatever.  Listen if you dont want to put it on facebook then guess what dumbass?  DONT FUCKING PUT IT ON FACEBOOK EVEN A LITTLE BIT! Really you have to go all or nothing with that shit.  We live in a world today that there are family members spread out by thousands of miles, to put out there some innuendo that could potential be about your family and give no details, makes you an asshole.  

4.  Friending your parents. Omg dont do it you stupid fucks.  Unless of course you are 12 years old and still need monitoring.  Or you have the type of parents that understand completely what Facebook is all about.  If you are in the percentage that have parents who have no clue about facebook its best to not go there.  You dont want your facebook posts to be the topic of every holiday family get together do you?

5.  Complaining that no one comments back to you or likes your statuses.  Now I will say as a blogger both food and doing this blog its imperative to get likes just so people who want to see your shit gets to actually see it.  However if you just are on facebook to connect with old friends and see what is going on their lives and you bitch and moan about people not commenting back, either you dont understand how facebook works or your an attention whore.  The truth of the matter is its not polite or impolite to not comment back.  Shit happens in our real life that causes us to not be strapped down by the chains of facebook.  I know its amazing but it does happen from time to time.  Not everyone is going to be able to read your post either.  Sometimes that new
sfeed is so fast that I cannot keep up so I do real life things, like I dont know take a fucking walk.  Play with my kids or help them with homework.  So please do not jump on my shit if I either dont comment right back to you or like all your shit.  Chances are I have a fucking life, and when I am not busy I will get back to you. 

So there you have em folks the top 5 fuck ups that even your's truly is guilty of from time to time too. 
Stay tuned for the next blog post, the Top 5 Facebook Fuckery will be coming your way next week.  Until then all , itsamazingidontdrink.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

The Legend of the Snow Midget

The Snow Midget

A long time ago back when my blended family was in its infancy, the snow midget was born.  He walked for miles but always had to stay in the freezing cold because well.... he was made of snow.  He didn't bring presents or candy he brought chips, salsa and beer.  Lots of beer.  Of course it was root beer, because well we aren't a bunch of drunks ya know. He landed on my back door on our first snow together as a family.  Riding on my daughter's barbie bike and he was wearing her hat and scarf.  None the less my daughter loved him.  She thought he was so funny.  As her and her father were building him from what little bit of snow we got that first snow, I thought to myself, self that is one ugly ass snow man.  However it made my little girl happy and that is all that really matters.  Hilarity did ensue when my husband scurried around the back yard looking for patches of snow to build him.  Toby hardly dressed for the weather and back then he had a lot more hair too, was turning red in the face and on the hands.  The snow midget took them most of the afternoon to build and when I say them, I mean mostly Toby lol.  What can I say he loves that little girl. 

As the snow midget was being built they realized he isn't going to have much character just being a small snow midget so we gave him a motorcycle , a pink one.  Found some sticks for hands and legs and now the snow midget has style.  I would put him on pintrest with instructions on how to make him but I don't want to brag about my daughter and husband's genius skill building. 

After he was built, root beers, chips and salsa for everyone and then they all took naps.  I guess an afternoon of snow midget building was hard work and that snow midget hung out with us all winter long.  Christmas eve we decorated his bike with some tinsel and a couple of ornaments.  This is just one of the funner times of living in a climate where it snows.  Because you yourself can build yourself a snow midget and he can have his very own adventures.  Like the time my daughter took his legs off to sword fight with one of her other friends.  They put his limbs back when they were finished playing and the snow midget was very happy they did.  

However if your snow midget ever tries to come inside your house or starts peeking through your windows its probably best to get some hot water send that snow midget to snow midget heaven.  No I am not drunk as I am writing this and yes its amazing I don't drink.  

Snow midget be ridin