Monday, December 8, 2014

Tips for surviving Parking Lot Assholes

Its that time of year again, where your kids want every fucking toy they see.  You buy foods that you would never consider cooking but you figure its the holidays you might as well conjure up your inner Betty Crocker.  Some of you know that I like to cook but even I get overwhelmed this time of year.  It never fucking fails either, stores from here to the Mojave Dessert are full of assholes.  Jackasses that park their fucking fuel effient pieces of shit in a way that takes up two parking spaces like this dip shit in the above picture.  So I thought instead of ranting and raving about this fucking douche bags, I would do something about it.  You all care to join me??

1.  If you are a parent you more than likely will have sidewalk chalk at your disposal.  Draw a circle around the car and make arrows at the car and write Asshole Parking like this:

2.  Find your inner computer geek and type up asshole parking tickets and print a shit ton of them off.  Take them with you wherever you go  and place one of these gems on the windshild. Check off what they violated and all will be right with the world.

3.  Find every fucking cardboard box you can think of break them all down so they are flat and cover that mother fucker's car with them.  Make sure you bring a  lot of them too because the more he or she has to remove cardboard off their car.  

4.   Call up a few close friends, primarily the ones who hate asshole parkers as much as you do and have every single one of them park their cars around the said asshole's car.  I can promise that will be the last damn time this fucker ever thinks about taking up two parking spaces.  

5.  This is my last and personal favorite.  Surround that mother fucker's car with shopping carts.  A shit ton of them. 

 I do not condone spray painting the car or any other forms of vandalizm to someone's car even if they are a fucking douche.  However with these tips you can feel better and not have to rant and rave and you can sit back and enjoy the holidays.  How its meant to be enjoyed with pretty paper, bows, Christmas music in the background and a 5th of something strong.  However I dont drink.  Its amazing I dont drink ! 


  1. LOVE IT!!! All of these are perfect ideas!! I may have to try them all out. There is an abundance of asshole drivers at my kids school to mess with!! Fuckers!! ;) for some reason..I feel better now... Thanks!

    1. I am always here to be a public service. Yes if you see this happening at school, a mall or simply in your drive way, have at it. :)