Today I am going to be straight up 100 percent honest with you. After I had my youngest daughter, I had a very mild case of post postpartum depression. Right after she was born I had a hard time bonding with her. This only lasted for about week. However it scared the hell out of me. Made me feel like a terrible person and mother. Another thing that knocked me off my "mommy" pedestal was I couldn't breast feed her. My breasts just were not working and my milk never came in, hell my colostrum never came in. All of these things combined, made me feel less than anyone. I was jealous of the moms that never had an issue with either and never understood my plight. Moms in general have a very bad attitude towards other mothers who cannot do something that they take for granted is so easy for them. I felt like an outcast and I felt like I didn't deserve my daughter. I blamed myself for every thing, if she was fussy it was my fault, if she was crying it was my fault. Hell sometimes being so fucking tired of being up all night with her I would cry with her. After all there wasn't much else I could do. No one understood me, not even me. I heard the typical "how do you know you cannot breast feed if you don't try." Believe me I tried and failed many times nothing was working and my daughter needed to eat so formula was a God send. Yes I am not an uneducated prick that doesn't understand breast is best but I couldn't do it period. I am saying and admitting all things because its ok if you are in the same situation, you have to do what is best for you and baby, not what is right for the rest of the Goddamned world! I can promise you too all these mommy bitches out there that are trying to shame you, they don't feel so fucking perfect either. They are jumping on you to make themselves feel better because they can do what you cannot or what your body cannot. Do not let them catty bitches get to you! There are going to be times through raising your kids that these typical bitches are going to have opinions on your life and the life of your kids constantly. Your kids will do something that their kids may never do and I am here to tell you its ok! Kids are like fingerprints and they are each unique like fingerprints. No two kids from the same parents are alike. Its impossible. So even though your kid may be the last kid to learn how to walk, talk, or be potty trained, does not make you any less of a kick ass mother! Being a mother is tough, it would be so much better if as mothers we listened to one another instead of accuse one another. We try to help more and hurt less, we stop SHAMING other mothers for fuck's sake we are in this together! Isn't that what girl power is all about? As a side note who the fuck died and left this catty bitches in charge of the mother's self righteous group where everyone has to follow them or get off the fucking horse altogether! All I am saying is we need to be supportive to one another, raise either up instead of trying haul everyone down. I am here to tell you right now if your a new mom, hell even if you are not but still having some problems with your kids, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Speak up we are all not perfect but we do the best we can with what we have every day! A rough patch today will be a lesson learned tomorrow. Spilled milk today will be thrown out with tomorrow's trash. We will get through it, and I believe if we became more supportive and less judgmental of one another, it will make our journey less stressful and our relationships more meaningful. So if you know a struggling mom, offer her support even if it means just another set of ears to listen to. Sometimes that is all we need. We need to be part of the solution and less of the problem. With the statistics that show men don't live as long as women do, don't you think we should start the foundation with female friendships now? What we choose to see outside our windows is only as clean as our windows from which we see from. Talk to you tomorrow guys! Its amazing I don't drink.
Bailey when she was 1 day old
COMPLETELY AGREE!!! I too had postpartum depression with my last kid. It was bad. I cried for something like 3 months straight. I just dried everyday all day. It was terrible. I don't understand why it always has to be a competition. Why we can't just help each other out. I can not stand to read baby Center. There is so many mom's just going on about how they only feed there kid organic and if you don't then you are not caring for your kid properly, and on and on. It makes people feel bad!! I just can't stand the comparing game!! Unless you are locking your kids in a closet and starving them....then you are not doing it wrong. There is no wrong way, just different ways! Thanks for this!!
ReplyDeleteThat is exactly my thoughts! I think we need to lift moms up instead of tearing them down. And that competition crap is beyond my understanding altogether.
DeleteThanks for sharing your experience with postpartum. I feel so alone although I know there are other mothers out there going through this. It's just hard to find support outside of the home when I have to be with the baby all the time. For the first several weeks I had SEVERE depression - we're talking feelings of hopelessness, feeling like I can't go on, feeling like my baby might not thrive because my depression would prohibit me from tending to her needs such as feeing her, etc. I couldn't stop crying. It was BAD. But thank God it has gotten better. It's moderate now, so I still have to work on a lot.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, I agree that mothers should be more supportive of each other. Sometimes I even feel my friends judge me, but that could be my paranoia. I gotta weed out the bad friends from the good friends, I guess. Thanks again for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are not alone even though society tries to make us feel that way. Its a very hard task, trying to take care of your baby and yourself at the same time. We are left with so many hormones and each one of us react differently to them. Big Hugs to you and I hope as time goes on, you will start to feel better. No need to worry about what others think or feel about you, just focus on your family and you know you are doing the best you can. Also its ok to ask for help, even if its just picking up the phone and talking to a friend or family member that has been there.
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